I can't believe it's been a week since I last blogged! LOTS has happened... although I can't remember most of it?! Going to try and recap day by day...

Wednesday 25th:
Went to work as normal. Busy as always and ended up in the pub as I often do. Andrew, Rich, OH and I drunk a few drinks and had some chips before we all left and OH and I done our usual and met at a pub further in town alone. We ended up staying there until 12 and then sat in my car until 2am!!!... on a school night! So yes, 4 hours sleep before I had to get up again. BUT... I text OH and told him I couldn't see him socially anymore as I have a 'major soft spot' for him and I don't want to set myself up for a fall... this was my way of seeing if he'd say he liked me too... if not, I'd stop spending so much time with him... no response.

Thursday 26th:
Text at 9am from OH after I'd already bumped into him by the new super duper A1 copying/folding/binding whizzy £34k machine work have invested in... the message said for me to NOT think I was setting myself up for a fall as "I feel the same about you" - YAY! We have finally made progress. Still no snogging but moving in the same and RIGHT direction... this is a GOOD thing. Thursday night I went out for dinner with best friend KT and the 2 Hayleys - had lots of fun but again, in at 12 and feeling SHATTERED!!!

Friday 27th:
Work was quiet, Jon (the funniest man I've ever met and my 'favourite' person in the office - aside from OH) had been on annual leave since Wednesday morning and I was starting to PINE for him! Realise this is sad but felt quite lost - got LOTS of work done though!! 5:30pm on the dot we headed towards the pub for our ‘official’ weekly drink (forget that I go to the pub Tuesday-Friday after work and the only reason I don’t go Mondays is because the pubs closed!!) - pub was funny and enjoyed myself as always. OH and I left at the same time and went our own way… as always he called me at the top of the road but just for a chat which was weird. We came to the conclusion we both had no plans and he picked me up at 9ish to head out for another drink. I ended up drunk and home by 3am. Again… no snogging?! I think he’s shy… going to have to get him pissed!

Saturday 28th:
Despite the hangover, had to be up at 9am to get ready for corporate hospitality do at a box in Ascot. My director Paul collected me at 11am in a chauffeur driven Mercedes (WOW!!!) and we went on to collect Rich. The 3 of us met some of our architects (the hosts for the day) and other house developers (9 people in total) and the drink flowed very nicely from around midday. My head still banging from the night before, I stupidly took the advise of Paul and Rich to ‘drink through it’ when there had been no headache tablets available in the loos. 6pm we went on to a pub in Ascot (an expensive one as we weren’t paying!) and things got messy. Rich’s girlfriend collected him to go out for dinner at 7:30pmish and I left shortly after once 2 of the architects had offered to drink champagne out of my lap and another had asked me to lift my classy black dress to see my tattoo… it’s amazing how quick you can sober up! My lovely director took me home in a cab and I was asleep by 9:30pm (SHATTERED AND PISSED NOT JUST SAD!!) which turned out to be 8:30pm once the clocks had gone back!

Sunday 29th:
Woke up to 2 late night missed calls and a random message from OH. Sent him a text and he called for a chat. By this time it was 12ish and I was still in bed… that’s what Sundays are for!!! 10 minutes later, he turns up at my door… I’ve NO make-up, scraggy hair and look like SHITE!!! Yes, he saw me. In fact, he stayed for an hour… surely this would mean the beginning of the end?! Actually no, he asked me to go out with him Wednesday night (which is now tomorrow so YAY!!!). Sunday night I went for my regular boys night out and felt uncomfortable for the first time ever?! Bizarre.

Monday 30th:
Work was quiet, life was quiet, nothing much to report.

Tuesday 31st:
As above.

ROLL ON TOMORROW!!!!!

Turns out I may go out partying tomorrow night so my Meez and I done some preparation... this is how I plan to look tomorrow night... although this Meez is extremely pretty so I can only hope to look half as nice!!!

When did it become a crime to be a positive person?? About 4 people today have made digs along the lines of:

“But you’re always happy”
“Yes but you have the unique ability to see the good in everyone!”
“Do you ever stop laughing??”
“Does anything make you miserable? You’re annoyingly happy ALL the time!”

Okay. I admit, I do have the ability to see the good side of everyone, and I could find the bright side in the worst possible situation but that’s because I CHOOSE to be that way. I make that choice everyday when I wake up and I make it last all day. It’s my way of dealing with things. If somethings funny, I laugh; if somethings sad, I nervously laugh; if I’m worried, I frantically laugh… all in all, I find laughing is the best way to keep positive and keep the people around you positive. SO my message to you all… CHOOSE to be the happy go lucky person that people remember and admire as opposed to the miserable fuck that pisses everyone off and everyone slags off in the pub on a Friday night after work.

On that note… went to the pub after work again tonight, until 8:30pm. I HAVE to stop doing that! It’s become a bit too easy to ‘pop’ to the pub for a couple of drinks and chat and it’s becoming every bloody night! Plus, OH didn’t come tonight so it wasn’t that great. Although he has asked me out for a drink tomorrow night so that’s cool… wonder if he’ll ever make a move?!

Got in bed with mum last night (which I NEVER do) to have a chat. I basically wanted to build up the courage to ask questions about my biological father. I’ve been curious in the past but this is a bit more than that. This is really niggling at me, mainly since speaking to Paul W about it (see previous blog) and because I now see the situation in a whole new light. I actually forgive me biological father for everything that happened because in a strange way, I understand why he did it!? I understand why he chose to not have a baby and be tied down before he was 20!! (I’m assuming he was under 20 as mum was 18??) - and I appreciate that he may actually think about me everyday, and he may actually NOT be the bad person I automatically created in my head. I accept he’ll never be my dad because I have one of those, the best in fact, and I would never want that to be any different. But I would like to know where I come from. Why I have blonde hair and blue eyes, why I’m 5 ft 8 (nearly 5 ft 9 - GIANT!) and why I’m the person I am. I WILL build up the courage to find out. Even if only to write my biological father a note telling him I forgive him and I’m happy for us to go on leading our separate lives… I think everyone deserves to know they’re forgiven, even if only to prevent them from living everyday full of guilt.

Had a bizaare day today!

Got to work on time, 5 minutes early in fact, which is VERY good for me at the moment (although kids are on half term so that could explain it?!). Work started bad, 2 hour technical meeting to commence at 8:30am and it's full of useless jargon! I am supposed to take the minutes for this meeting but this morning, not really with it and spent the first 15 minutes daydreaming about my previous 2 minute meeting with OH in the kitchen. Eventually catch up and actually the meeting doesn't drag too much.

Around midday SH gives me 1 weeks notice that we're having an off-plan launch in the conservatory for one of our developments and it's up to me to get the sample bathroom units, kitchen units, granite work tops, sink taps, shower taps, interior doors and tiles in ASAP. I go into panic mode but do a relatively good job of delegating most of it and I now have a clear record of what needs to be done. I must admit, if I could have anyones organisational skills... I would have mine!

6pm tonight I bump into Paul W at the bottom of the stairs, "I have something for you" he says... I'm convinced that it's going to be something to do with finding my boilogical father but it's a letter saying the following:

"Do not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Find the courage to face your fear and when you follow it's path, turn your inner eye. For where it has gone there shall be nothing. Only you will survive".

Now those are STRONG words. I know Pauls only trying to advise me but he's actually freaking me out a bit?!

Come 6:50pm (and yes I'm still working!!!) Paul B (my big cheese boss) asks me to go to the pub with him for an 'informal' chat to discuss my progress etc. FUCK! Can't say no, have to go along. He drives as the pub opposite work is closed and I spend an hour trying to make small talk with him. He's actually a good guy, but makes me very nervous... Turns out I'm doing a great job and everyone's pleased with me which is nice.

Get back to the office at 8pm and OH is just leaving (he works TOO hard!!) - he calls me to see how drinks went and we chat for 10 minutes or so... regular calls/texts and meeting up going on now so I think it's safe to say I'm progressing! YAY!!!!

That's been my day, over and out :-)

L x

I realised today I haven't blogged for a while.  Actually, I realised this yesterday and then I spent 15 minutes typing out my blog before my computer crashed and then I thought, 'fuck it!' so I gave up.  But I'm back with a vengeance tonight and lots to tell!

L x

When did I become so paranoid and insecure??  Everytime a female whispers within a 30 mile radius of me, I assume I've upset someone and I'm being called a bitch for it... I generally go out of my way to NOT upset anyone so need to calm down before I give myself a hernia! 

L x

I have loads to report!!

Clear up and curry tomorrow night after work, will be lots and lots of fun.  YAY!

WOO HOO!  After work tomorrow it's mandatory drinks as always and OH has organised for everyone to go for a curry!  YAY!  Everyone of course is saying "OH never organises events... must be because he's single and wants to spend time with L" - well, it's not that... I don't think?

Night to you all x

Where are you?!  It's been a week!!  I hope you're on holiday... or in bed with that lovely guy you have.  Starting to get concerned now...  please write something funny so we all know you're okay!

I have interesting developments.

LOVE all this sneaking around!  I feel so naughty!

... I take it all back, I'm completely in love with OH.  He just text me "you okay - everything okay at home? OH x" - HOW SWEET!  He knows I'm sad and he's thinking of me... this is GOOD!

Yesterday I had a blazing spat with my mum... on her wedding anniversary.  I just can't bare listening to her moan at my dad and brother all the time.  All she does is moans at the moment... I think it's a mid life crisis!...

L x