Firstly, I would like to thank my fellow blogger sweetymon for introducing me to Meez.com!!!  I HAD to have a go once I saw hers and I come up with a very good image of me at work, see below:

...I was going to do me one partying too but they never had a nice black top for me to wear with nice jeans and I wasn't about to create a monster by wearing anything other than black... my trademark colour!

In other news... done a 2 hour party this morning, had a NIGHTMARE!  My CD player decided 10 minutes prior to starting that it wouldn't work.  So I'm standing in a hall with 30 4 yr olds, bags of props in the middle of flipping timbuktoo with no service on my phone to call for someone to 'create an emergency' so I can leave and therefore I stand outside and have a 2 second breather.  Someone was obvioulsy on my side today as when I returned to the party, CD player working fine!?!  FANTASTIC!  After that the party couldn't have gone better and the only downside was I was paid by cheque which is virtually the same as not being paid... HATE THAT!  Definitely prefer doing parties alone without KR though as she's very controlling and I always have to take a back seat when with her... today, I was comanding!  YAY!!!

So OH... maybe I'm stupid but I just can't seem to read him?!  Okay, so we've now started regular meets, but he gives nothing away and just when I think he likes me, I get all stupid and think I'm imagining it but then he text's me everynight, and he did call me at 10pm tonight from Poland (stag weekend) and text me last night so he's obviously thinking about me??  and yet, he's not made a move (in other words he hasn't tried to snog me yet), although I think he may just be shy... or more of a gent, and plus, he's just broken up with Clare who's still hanging around... but I think I finally believe him when he says they won't get back together.  I think I've fallen for him... BIG TIME!

Back to today.  so I finish my party and get home at 1/4 to 2.  I fall asleep at 4pm (tucked up in my bed) with my alarm set for x-factor as I haven't yet seen it this year and need to size up the contestants.  At 5:25pm my mum charges into my room, "Did you know Dan's in hospital?" (Dan's one of my best friends and she's pregnant, due in December, I'm her birthing partner) - "er, no, what, when, why, how?!?!" - immediately I'm in panic mode.  Pick up my phone, call Dan 3 times, no answer.  Try to call Aaron (the father), I've lost his number, can't find her mums number, can't remember her home number (all this is typical in a crisis!!) and I have to end up texting RP (who I hate right now - see previous blog, he's sleeping with his best mates ex) to ask for Aarons number.  Dan eventually calls me back after seeing her missed calls (ignoring all signs regarding mobile phone use in hospitals) and I spend 15 minutes ranting at her for not 'bothering' me... she. is. a. fool!!!!  I then jump in my car and drive the hours drive to Queen Charlottes hospital in Hammersmith (next to Wormwood Scrubs so 'nice place'!) to see my darling Dan.  When I arrive, she's in good spirits, but she has a possible blood clot on the lung.  I spend 2 hours making her laugh before I kiss her goodbye and head home.  When it comes to my friends, I will travel to the ends of the earth if they need me.

Finally (and this will go on a bit so if you're bored by this point, log off!)... I don't think I've ever mentioned before that my beloved dad who I ADORE more than any other person in this world, isn't actually my biological father.  I didn't find this out myself until I was 11 and about to start high school, my brother doesn't know, my parents friends don't know and I'm not even sure how much of my family know?!  My dad took me on at 2 weeks old and married my mum when I was 9 months... I know, SPECIAL MAN!  So anyway... since the day I found out, I've never asked a question, NEVER, not a single thing.  Not even mentioned it since.  But for nearly 12 years now there hasn't been a day gone by I haven't had questions in my head about it, I've just kept quiet to keep peace at home and to avoid kicking my dad in the teeth.  So at work on Thursday, I have my usual kitchen chat with Paul W.  He tells me that he's meeting his estranged daughter Wednesday for the 2nd time ever.  He then goes on to tell me his story, how he was 21 and didn't want a baby.  It's the strangest thing.  I've spent 12 years resenting the man that walked out of my life but when I hear Paul's story, a man I regard very highly and have alot of respect and time for, I suddenly stop hating my boilogical father.  Maybe it's because I'm also 21 and couldn't think of anything worse than having a baby aswell.  So now I'm more curious than ever... debating whether to talk to mum about it.  I'm going to do some serious thinking.  I've finally accepted that he didn't chose to abandom me personally, he chose to abandon having a 'baby'.

Your thoughts and advice would REALLY help!!