When did it become a crime to be a positive person?? About 4 people today have made digs along the lines of:

“But you’re always happy”
“Yes but you have the unique ability to see the good in everyone!”
“Do you ever stop laughing??”
“Does anything make you miserable? You’re annoyingly happy ALL the time!”

Okay. I admit, I do have the ability to see the good side of everyone, and I could find the bright side in the worst possible situation but that’s because I CHOOSE to be that way. I make that choice everyday when I wake up and I make it last all day. It’s my way of dealing with things. If somethings funny, I laugh; if somethings sad, I nervously laugh; if I’m worried, I frantically laugh… all in all, I find laughing is the best way to keep positive and keep the people around you positive. SO my message to you all… CHOOSE to be the happy go lucky person that people remember and admire as opposed to the miserable fuck that pisses everyone off and everyone slags off in the pub on a Friday night after work.

On that note… went to the pub after work again tonight, until 8:30pm. I HAVE to stop doing that! It’s become a bit too easy to ‘pop’ to the pub for a couple of drinks and chat and it’s becoming every bloody night! Plus, OH didn’t come tonight so it wasn’t that great. Although he has asked me out for a drink tomorrow night so that’s cool… wonder if he’ll ever make a move?!

Got in bed with mum last night (which I NEVER do) to have a chat. I basically wanted to build up the courage to ask questions about my biological father. I’ve been curious in the past but this is a bit more than that. This is really niggling at me, mainly since speaking to Paul W about it (see previous blog) and because I now see the situation in a whole new light. I actually forgive me biological father for everything that happened because in a strange way, I understand why he did it!? I understand why he chose to not have a baby and be tied down before he was 20!! (I’m assuming he was under 20 as mum was 18??) - and I appreciate that he may actually think about me everyday, and he may actually NOT be the bad person I automatically created in my head. I accept he’ll never be my dad because I have one of those, the best in fact, and I would never want that to be any different. But I would like to know where I come from. Why I have blonde hair and blue eyes, why I’m 5 ft 8 (nearly 5 ft 9 - GIANT!) and why I’m the person I am. I WILL build up the courage to find out. Even if only to write my biological father a note telling him I forgive him and I’m happy for us to go on leading our separate lives… I think everyone deserves to know they’re forgiven, even if only to prevent them from living everyday full of guilt.