There's no actual logic or thought going into what I'm going to write now but here goes...
My relationship:
When I met HO I thought he was perfect. He IS perfect. He's an amazing guy that everybody loves but he's possibly not perfect for me... there you go, I've said it. Even writing it down makes me feel guilty!! Sometimes I think I'm imagining it, sometimes we ARE perfect for eachother and I imagine my whole life with him; sometimes I can't see him in my future. I want to, but we're different. He's still living a 'single' persons life. Not in the sense that he goes out alot and drinks and parties etc, but I'm not in his plans. We've been living together for 15 months and he won't buy a house with me. He wants to buy a house. Not with me. He wants a 'development project' and I want a home. I tried to compromise and suggested a project together... he NEEDS to do this alone he says. I'm confused by the whole thing, I know he adores me, he just doesn't show it. I crave the love and affection that I can give him but in return I get a lack of both. He's often quite selfish and now I'm longing for a little more... is there such thing as the perfect relationship???
Work:
Got a new job, really exciting one with great prospects and package... but everybody thinks I've only been offered it as the MD wants to sleep with me. Trying not to think the worst but being a generally attractive young blonde, it could be the case. I just want an easy life.
Long to be loved and looked after, long to have a partner who worships me the way I can worship. Who wants to see the world and isn't scared to live a little. Who has enough money to look after themself and isn't tight. Who treats me as the independant woman that I am, supports my dreams and ambitions but isn't afraid to take charge and look after me... sometimes I just want to be looked after. Is he out there?! Will I ever know? Will I stay with HO... if he'd buy a home with me and settle down I think I would. I adore him, I just don't know if we're too different.
The last few weeks have been a daze...I feel as though I need to come out of my body and watch myself for a week to see what I need to do. I'm overwhelmed by the changes in my life at the moment and need to take a step back... I need to stay grounded and I don't know how?! How do I manage the change and feel positive about the future?! I'm so confused... hope it's just hormones!
15/03/08 @ 13:30