tag:secret1984.blog.co.uk,2009-11-14:/MokoFeed2009-11-14T21:31:54+01:00tag:secret1984.blog.co.uk,2008-04-06:/2008/04/06/boredom-that-comes-with-being-newly-sing-4004065/Secret19842008-04-06T18:40:13+02:002008-04-06T18:40:13+02:00 <p>So although everybody keeps telling me "But now you're single you can do anything you want!!" - I don't WANT to do ANYTHING!!  I realise how much of my life revolved around OH and his plans now... I have NOTHING in my diary bar work pretty much for the remainder of 2008?!!  What's that about??</p> <p>I have however started a new job which is very cool!!  LOVE the company and the people are lovely.  Best part of it is that it's in Windsor so always nice new faces to see and LOADS of shops... </p> <p>Does anybody have a cure for boredom?  So far I've spent the past 2 hours on facebook clicking on the 'Online now' section to see who I can talk to.  Apparently my 'friends' are all 'offline' = 'have a life'.</p> <p>xx </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://secret1984.blog.co.uk/2008/04/06/boredom-that-comes-with-being-newly-sing-4004065/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:secret1984.blog.co.uk,2008-03-20:/2008/03/20/the-future-is-looking-brighter-every-day-3909728/Secret19842008-03-20T13:47:43+01:002008-03-20T13:47:43+01:00 <p>I've possibly sorted some rented accommodation in a house share with one other guy!!!  YAY!  He sounds normal too which is a bonus as most people on easyroom mate are a little weird!!</p> <p>I am going to work as much as possible, pay off as much debt as possible and move into my own place towards the end of the year... it's all about saving saving saving.</p> <p>I accept that OH and I are wrong for eachother... I deserve to have been treated better and he deserves more... we both are better off.  So although it hurts, moving on is the best thing I can do :-) </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://secret1984.blog.co.uk/2008/03/20/the-future-is-looking-brighter-every-day-3909728/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:secret1984.blog.co.uk,2008-03-18:/2008/03/18/how-to-get-over-a-broken-heart-3899761/Secret19842008-03-18T13:36:46+01:002008-03-18T13:36:46+01:00 <p>Any tips???</p> <p>I'm currently going through the ANGRY phase of the break up... that GIT is going to get on a plane tomorrow KNOWING full well I should be with him.  I don't think he should be going.  If I can't go, neither of us should go and we should BOTH lose our money.  Why should I lose the money because He broke up with ME?!  I didn't choose this?!  He should go in a month or so... not tomorrow, not on OUR holiday, not without me... :-( </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://secret1984.blog.co.uk/2008/03/18/how-to-get-over-a-broken-heart-3899761/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:secret1984.blog.co.uk,2008-03-17:/2008/03/17/it-s-all-over-3894692/Secret19842008-03-17T12:33:54+01:002008-03-17T12:33:54+01:00 <p>I've spent the past 2 days trying to accept the fact that my year and a half relationship is over... and I'm destraught.</p> <p>Yes we are different and yes it's been difficult lately but I really wanted it to work and would have done anything.</p> <p>I'm struggling to cope at the moment, moving back to a single room at my folks doesn't feel like home.  I feel like I don't belong anywhere and it hurts. </p> <p>I want to work things out, he doesn't... typical.</p> <p>Everybody keeps telling me things I already know: "It's his loss, he'll regret it, you WILL move on, you WILL get over this, you WILL love again and MORE" - I know all of these things but for now, I hurt like I've never hurt before.</p> <p>On the positive side, I'm on the heartbreak diet.</p> <p>On the negative side, I'm supposed to be going to New York with him on Wednesday and I won't be going.  Instead I have 2 more weeks of working in the same company as him with everybody knowing what's happened, on the verge of tears all the time and Wed-Mon is going to be so difficult when we should be on the plane together and we're not... </p> <p>Why isn't love enough... why isn't wanting to be together enough... why is it that it HAS to be about the future... :-( </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://secret1984.blog.co.uk/2008/03/17/it-s-all-over-3894692/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:secret1984.blog.co.uk,2008-03-14:/2008/03/14/so-here-s-how-it-is-3876051/Secret19842008-03-14T13:22:58+01:002008-03-14T13:22:58+01:00 <p>There's no actual logic or thought going into what I'm going to write now but here goes...<br></p> <p><strong><u>My relationship:</u></strong><br>When I met HO I thought he was perfect.  He IS perfect.  He's an amazing guy that everybody loves but he's possibly not perfect for me... there you go, I've said it.  Even writing it down makes me feel guilty!!  Sometimes I think I'm imagining it, sometimes we ARE perfect for eachother and I imagine my whole life with him; sometimes I can't see him in my future.  I want to, but we're different.  He's still living a 'single' persons life.  Not in the sense that he goes out alot and drinks and parties etc, but I'm not in his plans.  We've been living together for 15 months and he won't buy a house with me.  He wants to buy a house.  Not with me.  He wants a 'development project' and I want a home.  I tried to compromise and suggested a project together... he NEEDS to do this alone he says.  I'm confused by the whole thing, I know he adores me, he just doesn't show it.  I crave the love and affection that I can give him but in return I get a lack of both.  He's often quite selfish and now I'm longing for a little more... is there such thing as the perfect relationship???</p> <p><strong><u>Work:<br></u></strong>Got a new job, really exciting one with great prospects and package... but everybody thinks I've only been offered it as the MD wants to sleep with me.  Trying not to think the worst but being a generally attractive young blonde, it could be the case.  I just want an easy life.</p> <p>Long to be loved and looked after, long to have a partner who worships me the way I can worship.  Who wants to see the world and isn't scared to live a little.  Who has enough money to look after themself and isn't tight.  Who treats me as the independant woman that I am, supports my dreams and ambitions but isn't afraid to take charge and look after me... sometimes I just want to be looked after.  Is he out there?!  Will I ever know?  Will I stay with HO... if he'd buy a home with me and settle down I think I would.  I adore him, I just don't know if we're too different.</p> <p>The last few weeks have been a daze...I feel as though I need to come out of my body and watch myself for a week to see what I need to do.  I'm overwhelmed by the changes in my life at the moment and need to take a step back... I need to stay grounded and I don't know how?!  How do I manage the change and feel positive about the future?!  I'm so confused... hope it's just hormones!</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://secret1984.blog.co.uk/2008/03/14/so-here-s-how-it-is-3876051/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:secret1984.blog.co.uk,2008-03-14:/2008/03/14/15-months-later-3875965/Secret19842008-03-14T12:59:52+01:002008-03-14T12:59:52+01:00 <p>... Well I just read my last blog.  It was written in December 2006 when my whole life felt like it was one big dream.</p> <p>Some things that have happened since that blog:</p> <p>- My wonderful partner has been on a group holiday with his ex-girlfriend, pure trauma for me.</p> <p>- I've been to Gran Canaria, Dominican Republic and San Francisco</p> <p>- I quit my job 7.5 weeks ago</p> <p>- I start a new job in 2 weeks</p> <p>- I'm in a generally happy relationship although no longer 100% sure that my partner IS perfect, it's amazing what you think when you're in the honeymoon period!</p> <p>- I've gained some amazing friends</p> <p>- Lost some amazing friends</p> <p>- Started a foundation degree for which I'm getting straight A's</p> <p>- Booked some piano lessons even though I can neither afford them nor have ANY musical talent whatsoever</p> <p>- Accrued another £4/£5k debt from my spending habit and useless 'consolidation' methods</p> <p>- Had laser eye surgery for which I can thank my 20:20 vision!</p> <p>... and yet on this day, the 14th March 2008, 15 months after my last blog - I felt the urge to start again.  I'm hoping that I can write about my feelings/thoughts and then not worry about them again.  For the purposes of this point forward, I will be known as only 'I' or 'me' and the people in my life will be recognised by initials.  My other half is HO and my best friend is TK...</p> <p>... WATCH THIS SPACE because I AM BACK! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://secret1984.blog.co.uk/2008/03/14/15-months-later-3875965/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:secret1984.blog.co.uk,2006-12-24:/2006/12/24/catching_up~1476471/Secret19842006-12-24T23:42:54+01:002006-12-24T23:42:54+01:00 <p>So blogging soon lost it's initial spark and I ended up with so much to say that I just stopped altogether!</p> <p>LOTS has happened since my birthday... not only are OH and I very much IN LOVE... we're now living together in complete bliss and planning our future happiness.  It's bizaare, I've never met anyone before who I can't pick fault with... OH is THAT guy... truly perfect!</p> <p>Other than that, loving work, one of my best friends had a gorgeous healthy baby girl a week ago, it's Xmas tomorrow and life is generally good.</p> <p>Seasons greetings to you all, may you all be as happy as I am.</p> <p>L xxxxxx </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://secret1984.blog.co.uk/2006/12/24/catching_up~1476471/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:secret1984.blog.co.uk,2006-11-14:/2006/11/14/love_birthdays~1330100/Secret19842006-11-14T19:36:31+01:002006-11-14T19:36:31+01:00 <p>Life is GOOD!  It's my birthday today and I am a spoilt cow!  OH - the loveliest guy on the planet had flowers delivered to my work for me (the workplace he shares with me!) and although I've only just found out they're from him (he didn't sign his name), I was secretly hoping all day!  They're gorgeous!  He's now given me half hour to decide what I want to do this evening and he's going to call me when he's finished work (workaholic, his only fault (although I love him for it!))... If I tell him what I really want to do (take him to bed and ravish him) I don't think he'll know what to do with himself and plus, saving that for Friday night at the hotel - so tonight, dinner it is I guess? </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://secret1984.blog.co.uk/2006/11/14/love_birthdays~1330100/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:secret1984.blog.co.uk,2006-11-13:/2006/11/13/1_sleep_to_go~1326986/Secret19842006-11-13T22:03:26+01:002006-11-13T22:03:26+01:00 <p>So tomorrow's my 22nd birthday.  I've been stupidly excited and counting the sleeps until this afternoon when all of a sudden I realise the quicker it comes around, the quicker it'll be over... SO... I'm going to make it last the full week!  Tomorrow night, my lovely OH is taking me out for dinner, Wednesday night, my best friend's taking me to the world music awards for my bday, Thursday night - baby shower round my other best friends house where she'll shower ME in gifts, Friday night - OH and I are staying in a hotel after a celebratory 7 course birthday meal at a fancy smancy restaurant as he can't come out for celebrations on Saturday, Sat night - the big piss up!  All my friends in one room drinking alcohol - aside from my new lover which is sad :-(... Sunday I'll be recovering so I'll accept at that point my birthdays gone for another year... which I hate!  On the other hand, it'll be nice to be past 21... it's that annoying age where everyone says "awww, you're only a baby!" - PISS OFF!!!!</p> <p>On another topic; recommendation - Jason Mraz - GET THE ALBUM!!! (The live one!) - this guy is incredible!</p> <p>Wish me a happy birthday!! :-) </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://secret1984.blog.co.uk/2006/11/13/1_sleep_to_go~1326986/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:secret1984.blog.co.uk,2006-11-12:/2006/11/12/life_is_good~1321336/Secret19842006-11-12T11:40:07+01:002006-11-12T11:40:07+01:00 <p>Okay... OH and I are officially an item.  We're at that annoying lovey dovey stage where we never want to be apart and we're all over eachother in public... I HATE public displays of affection so I don't know what's happened to me!  I'm falling hard and fast for him but I don't care, I know Clares long gone now... I was even cool when they went to dinner on Friday night, because I know he's only got eyes for me, plus, he told me it was really awkward with Clare this time because he was worrying about me worrying and because there's nothing between them anymore.  LOVING this!!  Tuesday night it's my 22nd birthday, we'e going to stay in a hotel and then he's going to go to work on Wednesday and I'm going to go home to be with my mum for the day.  Work still don't know about us, neither do his friends or family but this is a joint choice.  I don't want people that know Clare assuming I had something to do with them breaking up so we're going to give it a while so the timing doesn't look so bad.  In the meantime, we're spending as much time together as possible and making everyone gag! YAY! <img src="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/tinymce/jss/plugins/blogdeemotions/smilies/05biggrin.gif" border="0" alt="" width="15" height="15"> ... I really couldn't be happier!! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://secret1984.blog.co.uk/2006/11/12/life_is_good~1321336/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:secret1984.blog.co.uk,2006-11-09:/2006/11/09/unofficially_officially_together~1313855/Secret19842006-11-09T21:33:30+01:002006-11-09T21:33:30+01:00 <p>... yes, OH and I ARE an item... it's lovely, I adore him.  Can't tell all tonight as he's on the way to get me but will tell all soon and make you all gag!  LOVE this part of a relationship!</p> <p>L x </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://secret1984.blog.co.uk/2006/11/09/unofficially_officially_together~1313855/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:secret1984.blog.co.uk,2006-11-05:/2006/11/05/we_had_the_talk~1299299/Secret19842006-11-05T21:18:12+01:002006-11-05T21:18:12+01:00 <p>I spent the whole day yesterday suffering from Friday nights antics. I slept ‘til 1, had a hair appointment at 1:30 to make myself feel better and then mum took me shopping. She’s my Angel. I text OH and asked him to come to see Borat at the cinema with me (LOVED THE FILM!!! - HILARIOUS!!) - he agreed as long as I promised to not be sick on his shoes (I’m so embarrassed!!). He picked me up at 8, we watched the film and then went for NON alcoholic beverages. Back to mine at 11pm and sat in the kitchen. I knew after the night before we needed to talk because I vaguely remembered when laying in bed with him that we were talking about ‘US’ for the first time. I brought it up again whilst I was sober and we had the ‘talk’. We want to be together but timings so crap. 5 weeks he’s been out of a relationship with Clare which he swears he’s not going to get back into but I’m scared and I told him that. I’ve told him he needs to think about what he wants and until he’s sure we shouldn’t see each other. He was so sweet, he wants to be with me but wants me to trust he won’t be back with Clare first. I can’t trust him yet, it’s too soon. The non social thing didn’t really work, we weren’t supposed to be talking or seeing each other and we’ve spoken and text all day. He even asked me to go out tonight but I’m poorly. I’ll see him tomorrow regardless. We’re making progress at last… it just may take a while! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://secret1984.blog.co.uk/2006/11/05/we_had_the_talk~1299299/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:secret1984.blog.co.uk,2006-11-05:/2006/11/05/please_return_my_dignity~1299298/Secret19842006-11-05T21:17:35+01:002006-11-05T21:17:35+01:00 <p>So Thursday night I have a ‘leaving do’ for someone at work. This consists of going for a curry with everyone at the ‘Gaylord’ (seriously it IS called that!!) after work. I stupidly got drunk and spend the whole of Friday recovering at work whilst everyone around me talks about how I spilt wine in their dinner and generally made a complete twat out of myself!!</p> <p>To make matters worse… Friday night, it’s the commercial do. The night went like this:</p> <p>5:30pm - everyone (9 of us including OH) get lifts to Jongleurs comedy club in Reading. We start drinking in the bar downstairs at 6pm-ish. I haven’t eaten all day but promise to pace myself with the alcohol and keep my dignity. This lasts approximately 30 minutes. At 7pm we take sits at our table in the comedy club and order food… and drink. 8 pitchers of beer ordered and a BOTTLE of Pinot Blush rose for me… all on the company credit card. I finish the bottle by about 9 and another is put in front of me. By this point I’m drunk and see this as a challenge… so I down 4 glasses in a row. From this point onwards (half way through the 2nd out of 3 comedians) I don’t remember anything until I get home. OH’s version of events are as follows:</p> <p>I was coherent and sat through the interval and 3rd comedian. When they were clearing the tables for the disco, I stood at the end of the table chatting and he saw I was starting to look a little worse for wear. He then reappears with a pint of water for me which I tip upside down whilst stating “I don’t want water!” - HOW AWFUL! Approximately 5 minutes after this I collapse and I’m caught by OH. He tries to take me out for fresh air but I can’t hold my own weight, my DIRECTOR then helps him carry me down 3 flights of stairs for air… as I hit the air, I start chucking in the street. I’m sick approximately 7 times, looked after by the bouncers, insist OH gets me tissues and I’m sick on his shoes along with falling head first into my own sick. I’m then put in a cab by my director and OH and I insist that he doesn’t leave me… he doesn’t. The taxi stops 4 times on the way home for me to be sick and I eventually finish chucking outside my house at 1am when I start remembering again. The first thing I recall seeing is my mum walking towards me at the top of the road with both her arms out saying “come on sweetie, come in” and then she says “Hi OH, nice to meet you… god you’re handsome!” - OH MY GOD!!! I then wake the whole family, fall off my bed trying to take my boots off and tell mum to tell OH he has to stay with me and he CAN’T go home. He stayed the night. He was SO good to me, I’m not worthy of him. Plus, it’s borderline love now, he snogged me, AFTER I was sick! At some point I fell asleep, woke up at 8am still very drunk and say “You stayed!!!!” with complete joy in my voice. Awwwwwwww, despite the fact that I have completely humiliated myself in front of everyone that matters, I made progress with OH!!! J </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://secret1984.blog.co.uk/2006/11/05/please_return_my_dignity~1299298/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:secret1984.blog.co.uk,2006-10-31:/2006/10/31/playing_catch_up~1282522/Secret19842006-10-31T21:04:22+01:002006-10-31T21:06:40+01:00 <p>I can't believe it's been a week since I last blogged! LOTS has happened... although I can't remember most of it?! Going to try and recap day by day...</p> <p>Wednesday 25th:<br> Went to work as normal. Busy as always and ended up in the pub as I often do. Andrew, Rich, OH and I drunk a few drinks and had some chips before we all left and OH and I done our usual and met at a pub further in town alone. We ended up staying there until 12 and then sat in my car until 2am!!!... on a school night! So yes, 4 hours sleep before I had to get up again. BUT... I text OH and told him I couldn't see him socially anymore as I have a 'major soft spot' for him and I don't want to set myself up for a fall... this was my way of seeing if he'd say he liked me too... if not, I'd stop spending so much time with him... no response.</p> <p>Thursday 26th:<br> Text at 9am from OH after I'd already bumped into him by the new super duper A1 copying/folding/binding whizzy £34k machine work have invested in... the message said for me to NOT think I was setting myself up for a fall as "I feel the same about you" - YAY! We have finally made progress. Still no snogging but moving in the same and RIGHT direction... this is a GOOD thing. Thursday night I went out for dinner with best friend KT and the 2 Hayleys - had lots of fun but again, in at 12 and feeling SHATTERED!!!</p> <p>Friday 27th:<br> Work was quiet, Jon (the funniest man I've ever met and my 'favourite' person in the office - aside from OH) had been on annual leave since Wednesday morning and I was starting to PINE for him! Realise this is sad but felt quite lost - got LOTS of work done though!! 5:30pm on the dot we headed towards the pub for our ‘official’ weekly drink (forget that I go to the pub Tuesday-Friday after work and the only reason I don’t go Mondays is because the pubs closed!!) - pub was funny and enjoyed myself as always. OH and I left at the same time and went our own way… as always he called me at the top of the road but just for a chat which was weird. We came to the conclusion we both had no plans and he picked me up at 9ish to head out for another drink. I ended up drunk and home by 3am. Again… no snogging?! I think he’s shy… going to have to get him pissed!</p> <p>Saturday 28th:<br> Despite the hangover, had to be up at 9am to get ready for corporate hospitality do at a box in Ascot. My director Paul collected me at 11am in a chauffeur driven Mercedes (WOW!!!) and we went on to collect Rich. The 3 of us met some of our architects (the hosts for the day) and other house developers (9 people in total) and the drink flowed very nicely from around midday. My head still banging from the night before, I stupidly took the advise of Paul and Rich to ‘drink through it’ when there had been no headache tablets available in the loos. 6pm we went on to a pub in Ascot (an expensive one as we weren’t paying!) and things got messy. Rich’s girlfriend collected him to go out for dinner at 7:30pmish and I left shortly after once 2 of the architects had offered to drink champagne out of my lap and another had asked me to lift my classy black dress to see my tattoo… it’s amazing how quick you can sober up! My lovely director took me home in a cab and I was asleep by 9:30pm (SHATTERED AND PISSED NOT JUST SAD!!) which turned out to be 8:30pm once the clocks had gone back! </p> <p>Sunday 29th:<br> Woke up to 2 late night missed calls and a random message from OH. Sent him a text and he called for a chat. By this time it was 12ish and I was still in bed… that’s what Sundays are for!!! 10 minutes later, he turns up at my door… I’ve NO make-up, scraggy hair and look like SHITE!!! Yes, he saw me. In fact, he stayed for an hour… surely this would mean the beginning of the end?! Actually no, he asked me to go out with him Wednesday night (which is now tomorrow so YAY!!!). Sunday night I went for my regular boys night out and felt uncomfortable for the first time ever?! Bizarre. </p> <p>Monday 30th:<br> Work was quiet, life was quiet, nothing much to report.</p> <p>Tuesday 31st:<br> As above.</p> <p>ROLL ON TOMORROW!!!!! <img src="/img/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://secret1984.blog.co.uk/2006/10/31/playing_catch_up~1282522/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:secret1984.blog.co.uk,2006-10-24:/2006/10/24/party~1258110/Secret19842006-10-24T22:33:49+02:002006-10-24T22:35:27+02:00 <p>Turns out I may go out partying tomorrow night so my Meez and I done some preparation... this is how I plan to look tomorrow night... although this Meez is extremely pretty so I can only hope to look half as nice!!!</p> <p><a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/media/media_item.php?item_ID=910167"><img src="http://data2.blog.de/media/167/910167_39aebb8144_m.gif" alt="Party Meez" title="Party Meez" vspace="5" hspace="5"></a> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://secret1984.blog.co.uk/2006/10/24/party~1258110/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:secret1984.blog.co.uk,2006-10-24:/2006/10/24/positive~1257877/Secret19842006-10-24T21:28:28+02:002006-10-24T21:28:28+02:00 <p>When did it become a crime to be a positive person?? About 4 people today have made digs along the lines of:</p> <p> “But you’re always happy”<br> “Yes but you have the unique ability to see the good in everyone!”<br> “Do you ever stop laughing??”<br> “Does anything make you miserable? You’re annoyingly happy ALL the time!”</p> <p>Okay. I admit, I do have the ability to see the good side of everyone, and I could find the bright side in the worst possible situation but that’s because I CHOOSE to be that way. I make that choice everyday when I wake up and I make it last all day. It’s my way of dealing with things. If somethings funny, I laugh; if somethings sad, I nervously laugh; if I’m worried, I frantically laugh… all in all, I find laughing is the best way to keep positive and keep the people around you positive. SO my message to you all… CHOOSE to be the happy go lucky person that people remember and admire as opposed to the miserable fuck that pisses everyone off and everyone slags off in the pub on a Friday night after work.</p> <p>On that note… went to the pub after work again tonight, until 8:30pm. I HAVE to stop doing that! It’s become a bit too easy to ‘pop’ to the pub for a couple of drinks and chat and it’s becoming every bloody night! Plus, OH didn’t come tonight so it wasn’t that great. Although he has asked me out for a drink tomorrow night so that’s cool… wonder if he’ll ever make a move?! </p> <p>Got in bed with mum last night (which I NEVER do) to have a chat. I basically wanted to build up the courage to ask questions about my biological father. I’ve been curious in the past but this is a bit more than that. This is really niggling at me, mainly since speaking to Paul W about it (see previous blog) and because I now see the situation in a whole new light. I actually forgive me biological father for everything that happened because in a strange way, I understand why he did it!? I understand why he chose to not have a baby and be tied down before he was 20!! (I’m assuming he was under 20 as mum was 18??) - and I appreciate that he may actually think about me everyday, and he may actually NOT be the bad person I automatically created in my head. I accept he’ll never be my dad because I have one of those, the best in fact, and I would never want that to be any different. But I would like to know where I come from. Why I have blonde hair and blue eyes, why I’m 5 ft 8 (nearly 5 ft 9 - GIANT!) and why I’m the person I am. I WILL build up the courage to find out. Even if only to write my biological father a note telling him I forgive him and I’m happy for us to go on leading our separate lives… I think everyone deserves to know they’re forgiven, even if only to prevent them from living everyday full of guilt. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://secret1984.blog.co.uk/2006/10/24/positive~1257877/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:secret1984.blog.co.uk,2006-10-23:/2006/10/23/roll_on_tuesday~1254130/Secret19842006-10-23T20:59:50+02:002006-10-23T20:59:50+02:00 <p>Had a bizaare day today! </p> <p>Got to work on time, 5 minutes early in fact, which is VERY good for me at the moment (although kids are on half term so that could explain it?!). Work started bad, 2 hour technical meeting to commence at 8:30am and it's full of useless jargon! I am supposed to take the minutes for this meeting but this morning, not really with it and spent the first 15 minutes daydreaming about my previous 2 minute meeting with OH in the kitchen. Eventually catch up and actually the meeting doesn't drag too much.</p> <p>Around midday SH gives me 1 weeks notice that we're having an off-plan launch in the conservatory for one of our developments and it's up to me to get the sample bathroom units, kitchen units, granite work tops, sink taps, shower taps, interior doors and tiles in ASAP. I go into panic mode but do a relatively good job of delegating most of it and I now have a clear record of what needs to be done. I must admit, if I could have anyones organisational skills... I would have mine!</p> <p>6pm tonight I bump into Paul W at the bottom of the stairs, "I have something for you" he says... I'm convinced that it's going to be something to do with finding my boilogical father but it's a letter saying the following:</p> <p>"Do not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Find the courage to face your fear and when you follow it's path, turn your inner eye. For where it has gone there shall be nothing. Only you will survive".</p> <p>Now those are STRONG words. I know Pauls only trying to advise me but he's actually freaking me out a bit?!</p> <p>Come 6:50pm (and yes I'm still working!!!) Paul B (my big cheese boss) asks me to go to the pub with him for an 'informal' chat to discuss my progress etc. FUCK! Can't say no, have to go along. He drives as the pub opposite work is closed and I spend an hour trying to make small talk with him. He's actually a good guy, but makes me very nervous... Turns out I'm doing a great job and everyone's pleased with me which is nice.</p> <p>Get back to the office at 8pm and OH is just leaving (he works TOO hard!!) - he calls me to see how drinks went and we chat for 10 minutes or so... regular calls/texts and meeting up going on now so I think it's safe to say I'm progressing! YAY!!!!</p> <p>That's been my day, over and out :-)</p> <p>L x</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://secret1984.blog.co.uk/2006/10/23/roll_on_tuesday~1254130/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:secret1984.blog.co.uk,2006-10-21:/2006/10/21/it_s_a_long_one~1247399/Secret19842006-10-21T22:56:42+02:002006-10-21T22:56:42+02:00 <p>I realised today I haven't blogged for a while.  Actually, I realised this yesterday and then I spent 15 minutes typing out my blog before my computer crashed and then I thought, 'fuck it!' so I gave up.  But I'm back with a vengeance tonight and lots to tell!</p> <p>Firstly, I would like to thank my fellow blogger sweetymon for introducing me to Meez.com!!!  I HAD to have a go once I saw hers and I come up with a very good image of me at work, see below:<br><img src="http://data2.blog.de/media/920/902920_a1a97d8de5_m.gif" alt="Meez" title="Meez" hspace="5" vspace="5" width="282" height="375"><br>...I was going to do me one partying too but they never had a nice black top for me to wear with nice jeans and I wasn't about to create a monster by wearing anything other than black... my trademark colour!</p> <p>In other news... done a 2 hour party this morning, had a NIGHTMARE!  My CD player decided 10 minutes prior to starting that it wouldn't work.  So I'm standing in a hall with 30 4 yr olds, bags of props in the middle of flipping timbuktoo with no service on my phone to call for someone to 'create an emergency' so I can leave and therefore I stand outside and have a 2 second breather.  Someone was obvioulsy on my side today as when I returned to the party, CD player working fine!?!  FANTASTIC!  After that the party couldn't have gone better and the only downside was I was paid by cheque which is virtually the same as not being paid... HATE THAT!  Definitely prefer doing parties alone without KR though as she's very controlling and I always have to take a back seat when with her... today, I was comanding!  YAY!!!</p> <p>So OH... maybe I'm stupid but I just can't seem to read him?!  Okay, so we've now started regular meets, but he gives nothing away and just when I think he likes me, I get all stupid and think I'm imagining it but then he text's me everynight, and he did call me at 10pm tonight from Poland (stag weekend) and text me last night so he's obviously thinking about me??  and yet, he's not made a move (in other words he hasn't tried to snog me yet), although I think he may just be shy... or more of a gent, and plus, he's just broken up with Clare who's still hanging around... but I think I finally believe him when he says they won't get back together.  I think I've fallen for him... BIG TIME!</p> <p>Back to today.  so I finish my party and get home at 1/4 to 2.  I fall asleep at 4pm (tucked up in my bed) with my alarm set for x-factor as I haven't yet seen it this year and need to size up the contestants.  At 5:25pm my mum charges into my room, "Did you know Dan's in hospital?" (Dan's one of my best friends and she's pregnant, due in December, I'm her birthing partner) - "er, no, what, when, why, how?!?!" - immediately I'm in panic mode.  Pick up my phone, call Dan 3 times, no answer.  Try to call Aaron (the father), I've lost his number, can't find her mums number, can't remember her home number (all this is typical in a crisis!!) and I have to end up texting RP (who I hate right now - see previous blog, he's sleeping with his best mates ex) to ask for Aarons number.  Dan eventually calls me back after seeing her missed calls (ignoring all signs regarding mobile phone use in hospitals) and I spend 15 minutes ranting at her for not 'bothering' me... she. is. a. fool!!!!  I then jump in my car and drive the hours drive to Queen Charlottes hospital in Hammersmith (next to Wormwood Scrubs so 'nice place'!) to see my darling Dan.  When I arrive, she's in good spirits, but she has a possible blood clot on the lung.  I spend 2 hours making her laugh before I kiss her goodbye and head home.  When it comes to my friends, I will travel to the ends of the earth if they need me.</p> <p>Finally (and this will go on a bit so if you're bored by this point, log off!)... I don't think I've ever mentioned before that my beloved dad who I ADORE more than any other person in this world, isn't actually my biological father.  I didn't find this out myself until I was 11 and about to start high school, my brother doesn't know, my parents friends don't know and I'm not even sure how much of my family know?!  My dad took me on at 2 weeks old and married my mum when I was 9 months... I know, SPECIAL MAN!  So anyway... since the day I found out, I've never asked a question, NEVER, not a single thing.  Not even mentioned it since.  But for nearly 12 years now there hasn't been a day gone by I haven't had questions in my head about it, I've just kept quiet to keep peace at home and to avoid kicking my dad in the teeth.  So at work on Thursday, I have my usual kitchen chat with Paul W.  He tells me that he's meeting his estranged daughter Wednesday for the 2nd time ever.  He then goes on to tell me his story, how he was 21 and didn't want a baby.  It's the strangest thing.  I've spent 12 years resenting the man that walked out of my life but when I hear Paul's story, a man I regard very highly and have alot of respect and time for, I suddenly stop hating my boilogical father.  Maybe it's because I'm also 21 and couldn't think of anything worse than having a baby aswell.  So now I'm more curious than ever... debating whether to talk to mum about it.  I'm going to do some serious thinking.  I've finally accepted that he didn't chose to abandom me personally, he chose to abandon having a 'baby'.</p> <p>Your thoughts and advice would REALLY help!!</p> <p>L x</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://secret1984.blog.co.uk/2006/10/21/it_s_a_long_one~1247399/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:secret1984.blog.co.uk,2006-10-12:/2006/10/12/title~1215242/Secret19842006-10-12T22:08:09+02:002006-10-14T12:42:33+02:00 <p>When did I become so paranoid and insecure??  Everytime a female whispers within a 30 mile radius of me, I assume I've upset someone and I'm being called a bitch for it... I generally go out of my way to NOT upset anyone so need to calm down before I give myself a hernia!  </p> <p>I had a bad day today.  CANNOT believe JK is considering leaving work.  I CANNOT get through a day without him making me laugh and nor do I want to.  It's almost as bad as if OH told me he was leaving... he's not, thank goodness!  Had ANOTHER drink with OH tonight, all in secret as always, there was an awkward moment by my car after when we said goodbye and didn't really know what to do.  I know the next stage is kissing but I'm SOOOOOOOOOO nervous!  I can't understand it, I ADORE this guy and he's just exactly what I need right now but I'm petrified.  I think I'm scared he and Clare will get back together and I'll be put to the side again.  I need to tell him how I feel so drinks tomorrow night and all will be spilt!  </p> <p>My MG sold today.  I lost SHIT loads of money on it and I still owe mum outstanding finance which I was hoping would be paid off but I'm not getting enough for the car so now I have to pay her back £4k.  I'm thinking £250 a month but it's going to take a while... HATE oweing money to my parents!  Must do as many parties as possible to make as much money as possible and get it all paid off asap.  I can't really move out until I do that so that's my priority!</p> <p>I hope everyone is happy and night to all :-) </p> <p>L x </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://secret1984.blog.co.uk/2006/10/12/title~1215242/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:secret1984.blog.co.uk,2006-10-09:/2006/10/09/2nd_date~1203822/Secret19842006-10-09T19:08:34+02:002006-10-09T19:08:34+02:00 <p>I have loads to report!! </p> <p>I'll start with Friday.  So everyone at work has found 'alternative' plans for the evening leaving the curry for all cancelled.  We all go to the pub still, everyone takes the piss out of OH for having no friends, I defend him saying I would have still gone... shut them all right up!  So anyway, get in my car after the pub and he calls me... "Do you fancy that curry?" - we go alone, AGAIN!  FANTASTIC night.  We get pissed and stay everywhere until we're kicked out!  Curry until closing, back to the pub we go to with work until midnight (very stupid considering we know the barmaid who will undoubtedly mention the two of us in there pissed up the next time the whole company's in there!), Reading until 4am.  We had a fantastic night, it was affectionate without being obvious, i.e. he rubbed my arms when I was warm and kissed my head as I left the cab (LOVE that!).  The next morning, the diamond that he is picked me up at 11am to go and get my car (no idea how he went and got his??) and we spent about 2 hours chatting in the Waitrose car park because neither of us wanted to leave.  Unfortunately, I had to go in the end, party to attend and children to entertain.  Other news from Friday night, Joe text me, wants me to go for a drink with him this week... have heard nothing since, will assume it was Friday night alcohol talking!</p> <p>Saturday night: HUGE piss up with KT, fantastic night as ALWAYS and boogied on down like troopers!</p> <p>Sunday: cinema with mum, saw the devil wears prada and recommend this as a chick flick for anyone!  </p> <p>Car still not sold, other car has broken indicators which are going to cost a fortune and lack of funds is always a problem on the 9th of the month!!!  Thank god for parties!  </p> <p>Clear up and curry tomorrow night after work, will be lots and lots of fun.  YAY!</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://secret1984.blog.co.uk/2006/10/09/2nd_date~1203822/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:secret1984.blog.co.uk,2006-10-05:/2006/10/05/love_my_mum_x~1191899/Secret19842006-10-05T21:07:42+02:002006-10-05T21:08:19+02:00 <p>WOO HOO!  After work tomorrow it's mandatory drinks as always and OH has organised for everyone to go for a curry!  YAY!  Everyone of course is saying "OH never organises events... must be because he's single and wants to spend time with L" - well, it's not that... I don't think?</p> <p>Anyway... things are good at work except for I nearly killed someone today which is probably not a good sign.  I actually think if Alison come any closer to me at the top of the stairs I wouldn't have been able to stop myself pushing her down.  SHE... as the NON BUSY receptionist who does NOTHING all day, came to ME at 2:30pm who was at this point about to have a nervous breakdown due to my horrendous workload and delegated to ME work that SHE didn't have time to do as she had (and I quote) "important things like the post" to be doing?!!!! - IS THIS WOMAN SERIOUS!!?!???!  So anyway, she REALLY fucked me off and I become agressive towards everyone for the rest of the afternoon.  They still love me though so all is not lost just yet.</p> <p>In other news... mum phoned me at work crying today to apologise and tell me she loved me.  5th October's a sad day for her, it's my nans birthday and she always starts remembering the important things at this time of year... i.e. her daughter that she was kicking out last week!!  So we've made up.  Still trying to move out though, still think it's for the best.</p> <p>Finally... still not sold my car... don't really know what to do about it?!  It's a nightmare!  It's on eBay, in the autotrader and all sorts... going to have to sell it to some dodgy garage and lose shit loads of money on it... why did I buy a new car prior to selling that one?!?  STUPIDITY!</p> <p>Night to you all x </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://secret1984.blog.co.uk/2006/10/05/love_my_mum_x~1191899/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:secret1984.blog.co.uk,2006-10-04:/2006/10/04/the_missing_corinna~1188124/Secret19842006-10-04T19:13:45+02:002006-10-04T19:13:45+02:00 <p>Where are you?!  It's been a week!!  I hope you're on holiday... or in bed with that lovely guy you have.  Starting to get concerned now...  please write something funny so we all know you're okay! <img src="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/tinymce/jss/plugins/blogdeemotions/smilies/05biggrin.gif" border="0" alt="" width="15" height="15"></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://secret1984.blog.co.uk/2006/10/04/the_missing_corinna~1188124/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:secret1984.blog.co.uk,2006-10-04:/2006/10/04/title~1188105/Secret19842006-10-04T19:07:53+02:002006-10-04T19:08:34+02:00 <p>I have interesting developments.</p> <p>So as you know (from previous blog) - OH text me to see if I was okay on Monday night after seeing that I clearly wasn't myself.  We text for a bit, he has things going on (girlfriend problems) and I have things going on (family problems) and we agree to go for a drink and a 'moan' yesterday evening.</p> <p>So we don't speak all day... we have this bizaare thing at work now where we ignore eachother unless alone.  It's best that way, I go far too red when I talk to OH and people can see me!  So anyway, we don't talk all day and then at 6:15pm I get a text (I'm still at work by the way) . . . "How's your day been?  Still fancy that drink?" - so I agree we should still go and wait for his reply.  The next I see of him is when he's walking across the carpark to get my attention (usually you can walk the back way and no one sees you) and as I look up he nods (we have secret codes, it's fab!!) - so I leave, get in my car and he waits up the road in his.  We go for drinks and chat ALL night.  I get the lowdown on the now 'ex' girlfriend who he broke it off with on Sunday night as he just wasn't happy and he gets the low down on everything to do with me (those that know me, know I'm very good at talking about me!) - at 10pm we decide we're hungry and go to a Thai restaurant in the same town we work and get sat in the window (asking to be caught although we weren't) - we chat and chat some more and I get home at midnight! (Prior to turning into a pumpkin!) </p> <p>I had the BEST night.  At work again today we ignored eachother but I think we both know where this is going to end up and I'm cool with that... will keep you all updated!</p> <p>LOVE all this sneaking around!  I feel so naughty! <img src="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/tinymce/jss/plugins/blogdeemotions/smilies/090twisted.gif" border="0" alt="" width="15" height="15"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://secret1984.blog.co.uk/2006/10/04/title~1188105/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:secret1984.blog.co.uk,2006-10-02:/2006/10/02/i_m_in_love_again~1181858/Secret19842006-10-02T20:49:38+02:002006-10-02T20:49:38+02:00 <p>... I take it all back, I'm completely in love with OH.  He just text me "you okay - everything okay at home? OH x" - HOW SWEET!  He knows I'm sad and he's thinking of me... this is GOOD! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://secret1984.blog.co.uk/2006/10/02/i_m_in_love_again~1181858/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:secret1984.blog.co.uk,2006-10-02:/2006/10/02/title~1181719/Secret19842006-10-02T20:07:06+02:002006-10-02T20:48:35+02:00 <p>Yesterday I had a blazing spat with my mum... on her wedding anniversary.  I just can't bare listening to her moan at my dad and brother all the time.  All she does is moans at the moment... I think it's a mid life crisis!...</p> <p>...So we ended the argument with I need somewhere else to live asap.  Have 4 people to call tonight and have emailed a further 2, will hopefully be rehomed by the end of October and then maybe mother and I will start to get on again... I hope so, HATE arguing with mum, breaks my heart everytime.</p> <p>Work seemed weird today, my heads not there because I'm thinking about home and come hometime I don't want to come home.  OH didn't speak to me all day today until he come downstairs to leave and then had a quick chat with SH and I.  SH is so sweet, he's a bit of a flirt but he's a genuine caring guy and he cheers me up, I like talking to him, he gives good advice.  Not making any effort with OH anymore, something very strange going on with him and I have too much going on in my own life to get involved.  Not even sure that he's interested anymore anyway so will keep myself to myself and hope for the best.</p> <p>Wish me luck finding a new home!!</p> <p>L x </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://secret1984.blog.co.uk/2006/10/02/title~1181719/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:secret1984.blog.co.uk,2006-09-30:/2006/09/30/title~1176121/Secret19842006-09-30T23:29:26+02:002006-09-30T23:30:09+02:00 <p>...Still no sign of corinna, I hope she's okay?!</p> <p>This weekend is going particularly slow.  I think it's because I'm sad and can't wait for work on Monday.  Dreading this bloody christening tomorrow, WHICH by the way I've got to be up at 7am for!!!  I don't know what 7am on a Sunday looks like... I don't know what anything before 12pm on a Sunday looks like actually!!  It's going to kill me!</p> <p>Party today went well, prefer it when the kids are a bit older, they get more into it.  Very tired tonight and not much to say about anything other than my current favourite song is naieve by the kooks who I am in love with.  I may marry them.</p> <p>L x</p> <p> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://secret1984.blog.co.uk/2006/09/30/title~1176121/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:secret1984.blog.co.uk,2006-09-30:/2006/09/30/flowers_from_who~1174156/Secret19842006-09-30T10:34:55+02:002006-09-30T23:30:24+02:00 <p>Yesterday was a bizaare day.  Had to get up at ridiculous o'clock (5:30am!) to get ready and be at Wentworth Golf Club for 8 (to avoid traffic, also had to leave at ridiculous o'clock!).  Got to Wentworth in no time, early as always but got lost in the carpark.  I realise this sounds ridiculous, but when a place is as huge as this, and has c.17 car parks, it's not too difficult!  AD came to find me and we walked in together.  LOVE AD although he apparently has a crush on me so I try to avoid him usually.  </p> <p>NO idea why KL and I were dragged along to Wentworth, we done pretty much nothing for 4 hours except smile nicely for the 40 or so men that looked at us.  We did however have a nice breakfast which is more than I usually eat and we did get to hand out the goody bags which made everyone love us ALOT.  </p> <p>Got back to work at about 11:45am and as soon as I walked in, a whole load of people start shouting "there's flowers in the kitchen for you!" - I stare blankly for a bit, say "Are you ABSOLUTELY SURE they're for me?!?!" and then head to the kitchen.  Sure enough, 6 beautiful long stem roses surrounded by lots of green leafy things in beautiful wrap with my FULL name and work address on the envelope.  So they are for me.  Open the card, simply says "Thinking of you x".  Now I'm completely freaked out, this has thrown me off for the whole day and everyone is placing bets re: who they're from.  OH immediately gets the finger pointed (I wish!) and the poor guy gets stick all day, but takes it like the gent that he is.  AD and PG are also 'other' suspects from the office and CS thinks they could be from 1 of 3 subcontractors?!  I have personally rattled them down to being from either my arsehole ex Matt or my proper ex Joe?  It's definitely Joe's style but he is supposedly all 'in love' and therefore not sure he would do this?!  Regardless, the flowers are beautiful (although tight arse could have brought 12 roses!) and the culprit obvioulsy wants to stay anonymous, which is cool with me.</p> <p>OH was quiet again at work yesterday, this upset me a bit but then at the pub after work he seemed okay and then I text him after he left early (to get to Cornwall to compete in some quadrathlon challenge this weekend?!) and said "You missed AS talking graphicly about her boyfriend <img src="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/tinymce/jss/plugins/blogdeemotions/smilies/smileys77.gif" border="0" alt="" width="15" height="15">, pictures and all!" - this sparked texting all night which finished at 12:30am this morning, by this point I'd had a lot to drink (out with G and the boys on my regular boys night) and got very close to telling OH I had a serious crush on him... managed not to, and can still look him in the eye on Monday without going a pretty shade of pink! <img src="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/tinymce/jss/plugins/blogdeemotions/smilies/11redface.gif" border="0" alt="" width="15" height="15"></p> <p>Going to our latest showhome this morning to be nosey followed by a 1 hour party in London from 4-5 and then coming home to sleep as I have this silly christening to attend tomorrow.  It's not that the christenings silly, or the people in it, just can't be bothered really!  Roll on Monday!!!</p> <p>L x</p> <p>P.s.  Corinna, where are you?!!  I read your blog daily and you haven't been on since WEDNESDAY!  Hope you're okay <img src="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/tinymce/jss/plugins/blogdeemotions/smilies/05biggrin.gif" border="0" alt="" width="15" height="15"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://secret1984.blog.co.uk/2006/09/30/flowers_from_who~1174156/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:secret1984.blog.co.uk,2006-09-28:/2006/09/28/silence_is_deadly~1169712/Secret19842006-09-28T19:43:06+02:002006-09-28T19:43:06+02:00 <p>Song for the day, "Something About You" by Jamelia.  I could have written this song for OH; who by the way was quieter than usual today, I hope he's okay.  I emailed him at 4:30ish saying "OH, you're quiet again today, you okay?  Or just swamped?" - he didn't reply, which he ALWAYS does, but maybe he's not replying deliberately so he can text later??  who knows, I hope so... Maybe I should just tell him I like him, but then I'd be gutted to find out he was all in love with Clare again... maybe I should be patient?  HATE being patient!</p> <p>Off to Wentworth Golf Club tomorrow to 'meet and greet' for the MH golf day.  Was told at 4pm today that my presence was required by the big cheese... it's a privilege to be invited but to be honest, could do without it, hope they only need me in the morning!!  Knowing my luck, I'll end up caddying!!</p> <p>Night to all</p> <p>L x</p> <p></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://secret1984.blog.co.uk/2006/09/28/silence_is_deadly~1169712/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:secret1984.blog.co.uk,2006-09-27:/2006/09/27/i_m_getting_married~1166725/Secret19842006-09-27T20:52:19+02:002006-09-27T20:54:06+02:00 <p>My crush, no longer a crush.  Now, a serious issue that I don't know how to deal with... I'm in love!  Seriously, like you wouldn't believe!?  It's ridiculous, I go all pathetic around OH and do anything I can at work to see him... hate working on seperate floors!!  It's his fault, he's just so nice to me.  It all started last night... </p> <p>So I get home after the 2nd day in a row where my contact lenses have irritated the hell out of me.  Decided that my left eye is getting redder and redder and should give my eyeballs a night off.  So I head to Sainsburys and say to the chemist, "Hi, I have no idea what solution I need as I never take my contacts out (I have these funky all day all night 30 day things) but I need to tonight and I need them to be clean and fresh as a daisy for tomorrow, I can tell you they're soft lenses though if that helps??" - the chemist (very nice asian guy) tells me they only have 1 soft contact solution and says, "I recommend this stuff all the time, soak them for a minimum of 6 hours and then put them back in in the morning" - so I get home, set this whole cleaning solution up and put my glasses on (which I hate wearing - vanity means I would rather be blind).  </p> <p>This morning, I get up, shower etc etc and then ATTEMPT to put my contacts back in... I DON'T read the warning DO NOT PUT DIRECTLY IN EYE AFTER SOAKING, HYDROGEN PEROXIDE WARNING, SEPERATE RINSE AID REQUIRED - the bastard chemist NEVER mentioned this to me when I paid £15 for this evil stuff!!  So I scream as the lens hits my eye and have never been in more agony in my life.  AND, to make matters worse, a few minutes later I try the other eye just incase it was the hand sanitiser I used prior to burning the first eye and not actually the lens solution (obvioulsy I tried this prior to reading the warning!!!) - so I successfully burned BOTH eyes!  I continued to get ready, went to work wearing my glasses but took them off before I got into Twyford incase someone saw me (yes, I drove blind!!) and then I called the optician at 9am.  Prior to calling the optician, I laughed and joked with OH in the kitchen about me being nearly legally blind and he says to me "so what do you wear contacts for?" (meaning long/short sight) and I saw "er, to see??!" - yes, felt like a right twat!  Anyway, back to why he's lovely... I told everyone at work I couldn't find my glasses and was going to have to drive to the opticians blind, as I'm about to leave, OH comes down and offers me a lift as "I'd feel really awful if something happened to you after taking the piss all morning" - he's a sweetie, took me to the opticians, and picked me up again... </p> <p>So tonight, I text him saying "OH, you're a good guy, you're girlfriends very lucky to have you... just thought it :-)" - as when I have something on my mind, I never do the sensible thing, I ALWAYS just say it... and he text back saying they were on a break!  The original message made it sound like she instigated the break so I suggested he buy her flowers etc etc to cheer her up and then he text back saying "my last message was jumbled, I instigated it, confused at the moment, sorry to have dragged you into it, see you tomorrow x" - that's his way of telling me he's single.  LOVING this!  </p> <p>My POA (plan of action) is to be as much fun as possible when with him... Clare (the girlfriend) can get lost... he's perfect for me!  I text my best friend KT and asked her what to do, her response "marry him x" - she's right, great advice... marry him! (Watch this space...) <img src="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/tinymce/jss/plugins/blogdeemotions/smilies/05biggrin.gif" border="0" alt="" width="15" height="15"></p> <p>Night x </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://secret1984.blog.co.uk/2006/09/27/i_m_getting_married~1166725/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:secret1984.blog.co.uk,2006-09-25:/2006/09/25/where_have_my_boobs_gone~1159719/Secret19842006-09-25T19:11:09+02:002006-09-25T19:11:09+02:00 <p>I don't know what to title my blog today so I'm going to decide at the end.<br></p> <p>Update No 1:<br>G and RP = best friends still!  Seriously, why are guys like this?!  If KR or KT slept with Joe, I would NOT be friends with them again!!  Anyway, Noodles is being blamed for the whole mess and the boys remain friends (see previous blogs if this makes no sense!)<br></p> <p>Update No 2:<br>I have a SERIOUS crush on OH!!  I don't know what to do?!  Obvioulsy I do know what to do, say nothing and avoid him.  But I can't!  I find myself OFFERING tea and coffee when he's walking in the office so I can be in the kitchen when he arrives at work as that means he always comes in for a chat.  I HATE making hot drinks which any of my previous co-workers will tell you!  I moaned and moaned about being ill today and finally he said to me "you look like shit actually L" - er, thanks OH!  He then emailed me saying "You know I don't ever think you look rough really" which was quite sweet but then encourages me to flirt even more... must avoid!<br></p> <p>Update No 3:<br>K and I are going to start doing childrens parties seperately.  There are enough for 2 of us now and we'll earn more money.  Loving this except I've always taken the back seat with regards to parties as K is a bit of a control freak and likes to be the 'organiser' - will have to think for myself more when I do it.  Speaking of K, she's aggravating me a bit lately but I have no idea why?!?  She's done NOTHING wrong?!  Bizaare.<br></p> <p>Update No 4:<br>My mum and dad seem to be happy.  Mums not claiming to hate dad and they've actually left the house together tonight which is a good sign.  I hope they don't split, for selfish reasons mainly but also because I couldn't bear to see them hurting!<br></p> <p>Update No 5:<br>Think alot lately about my biological sperm donor.  I call him this as I don't want to refer to him as biological 'dad' or 'father'.  I guess I've always thought alot about this but I go through phases when I'm desperate to know more but I could never hurt anyone enough to ask.  Particularly my parents, bummer.  I guess I'll have to wait for him to die and leave me loads of money... only joking, although that wouldn't be the worst thing that could happen!<br></p> <p>Update No 6:<br>May favourite things today are as follows: Jamelias new song (a friend of mines in the video although he's not telling many people as he's a proper 'actor' and being an 'extra' is NOT the done thing!); the farm shop baguettes, nice work clothes and being at work with OH all day.<br></p> <p>Update No 7:<br>My friend LC is coming out of the army this year.  I'm so glad about this.  He's only 21 and he's seen friends die and killed people and he's so desperate to get out whilst he still has his life.  He's currently in Afghan but needs some normality in his life... I hope he makes it home in one piece,</p> <p>I've finished rambling now, nothing left to share.  I hope my car sells soon, becoming a real problem!  In fact, will check eBay now for 'watchers'.</p> <p>By the way... where the f**k have my boobs gone?!  My beloved 34DD's seem to be shrinking and I believe this has something to do with the wonderful depro-vera contraceptive injection!  Apparently most people put on weight with this jab but not me... no no, I LOSE weight, just stop eating when I have it?!  It's a great way to diet but my boobs are going and they were my favourite assett!  I don't know what I'll do without them!<br></p> <p>Love to you all :-) </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://secret1984.blog.co.uk/2006/09/25/where_have_my_boobs_gone~1159719/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>